im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There are leaves in my underwear?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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