There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
