As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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