Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
