She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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