Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
