oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
