Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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