his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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