I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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