After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
