Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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