she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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