Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
