If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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