A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
