so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
