I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
