ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
