you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
