I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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