okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
