no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
