I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
