I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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