So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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