I hate your face
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
