You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
