Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Welp...herpes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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