i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
