woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
