how can u be prego again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
