I wish I only lived at night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
