if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
