His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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