I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
