I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
