Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize