she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
