I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
