just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
