My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
