A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
