mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
