You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
