This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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