Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
