dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
