you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
