I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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