good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
