It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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