He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
