we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
