Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
