well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
