It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
