I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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