chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My vagina just clenched in fear
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
