the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
