Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
