I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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