What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
