I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
