By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
