I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
