god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
