So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
