Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
