Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
