The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
