So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
