i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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